I can't touch this

I recently read the below advertisement and just had to share it.
Portrait of a Supercar: 2014 Rolls-Royce Wraith
Author: William K. Gock | Published: Friday, September 20, 2013
Say my name. Rest your tongue between your teeth and grin as you exhale in its fluidity. Hauntingly delightful, isn’t it? I know it is, just like I know I resemble other models in your past. But I am neither Phantom nor Ghost, my dear. I am the Wraith; the hottest, fastest—and dare I say, most devilishly sensual—specimen to emerge from the prestigious Rolls-Royce bloodline. I live up to the name of my hood ornament, Spirit of Ecstasy: I am a dark, twisted fantasy and I want you to take control.
So that we may step out on the right foot, give your co-pilot the night off while just the two of us tango. There’s no sense in feeling guilty; you knew what you were getting into from the moment we locked eyes. Now, I realize you may have grown accustomed to the back-seat, subservient nature of my big sister Phantom, but let’s establish that I’m neither the at-home nor office-type of girl. I am a true fastback coupe with bold, plunging lines that my siblings have never dared wear.
Allow my horseshoe-sweep cabin to beckon you closer, my supple Phantom-grade leather and burled billet controls to overwhelm your senses. I am still every ounce a Rolls-Royce, handcrafted to a level of astute detail you just won’t see in my coveters. Buttoning me up for a night out should tickle your fancy as well. There’s no need to strain in shutting my Canadel Panelling open-pore wood coach doors. Simply press the button on the small of my A-pillar, and it’s just you and me—and her too, if you insist.
You will also be reminded of past conquests. I’m comfortable with that, as the sultry growl of my twin-turbocharged, direct-inject V-12 is indeed that of the Ghost. But the boys over at Goodwood headquarters have taught me a few fresh tricks, babe. Don’t be jealous, my 624 horsepower and 590 lb-ft of torque are all for your delight.
Take me to the floor and I’ll have you smiling from naught to 60 in a mere 4.4 seconds. Steal off onto the Causeway, and I’d be delighted to show you what the rush of 155mph feels like. Truth be told, I’m capable of so much more, but we all must establish our limits.
Running late for reservations in SoHo? Allow me to be your escort into the city where I made my North American debut. My hips are a bit daunting for the slim-fit of the Williamsburg Bridge, but wait until you hear what I can do with the echo of the Midtown Tunnel. As for our meander back east, might I suggest the serpentine nature of the North Shore byways? By no means am I petite, but test my prowess anyway, as it just might surprise you. Speaking of surprises, does it feel like I’m reading your mind through the curves? Well I’m not, really. But I can see our future.
My eight-speed automatic is what Rolls-Royce likes to call their Satellite Aided Transmission: A GPS-enhanced gearbox that “views” our route ahead and makes real-time decisions on how to power us through the twists and turns at optimal levels of gratification. I dare you to tell me you’ve been on a ride like this before.
Of course I’m no cheap date, but I’m sure you already knew that. When I arrive this month, expect to part ways with almost $300,000 just to get our conversation going. Dressing me up in outfits like my brand’s signature Starlight headliner (made to mimic the likes of a clear Hamptons night) will add nicely to my ample bottom line. Trust that there will be plenty of other aspiring companions who will scoff at my worth while they flirt for your attention; though you know as well as I that they have much to learn. Right now you should just focus on getting in line to be one of my early suitors.
Engine: Twin-Turbocharged Direct-Inject V-12
0-60: 4.4 Seconds
Max Speed: 155mph (governed)
Max Power: 624hp @ 5,600 rpm
Max Torque: 590 lb-ft @ 1,500-5,500 rpm
Base Price: $284,900 USD + $2,000 destination fee
Author: William K. Gock